Honouring the Messiness of Feeling Series - Part 3
Honouring the Messiness of Feeling — A Three-Part Reflection
Many people sense that their emotional world is complex, layered, and not always easy to navigate — especially in a culture that often values clarity, control, and functionality over inner experience.
This three-part reflection is an invitation to slow down and listen more closely to feeling — not as something to fix or manage, but as something alive, intelligent, and deeply human.
In these pieces, I explore:
⟡ How feelings become shaped, constrained, or silenced over time
⟡ How emotions can act as signals pointing toward meaning and aliveness
⟡ And how we can stay present with feeling in everyday life, without overwhelm
You’re welcome to read each part on its own — or to move through them slowly, in your own time.
Staying with Feeling in Everyday Life
Once we begin to recognise feelings as meaningful rather than disruptive, a new question often emerges — not whether we should feel, but how we stay connected to feeling in the midst of everyday life.
Many people sense that this is where things become challenging. Feeling can seem to tip quickly into overwhelm, numbness, or the fear of losing control — especially when life itself doesn’t slow down to accommodate inner processes.
The Morning I Woke Up Flat
To truly understand and embody the intelligence of feeling, I had to experience its absence, too. A while ago, I was trying out a new drug for my long COVID, and I knew it was going to affect my feeling world as the effects settled in. I remember waking up on that first morning and being stunned by the flatness of my perceptions. The colours, textures, and movement of my inner world had vanished, and so had all the feelings that came with it, except the flatness. That morning taught me, in the most embodied way, to deeply value the rich, layered tapestry of my sensory feeling life. Imagine where we would be without feeling — and then compare that to how little space we often give our emotions in the push to function and perform. Just holding that inner tension — the knowing that feelings matter, and the constant pressure to set them aside — is exhausting in itself.
The Courage and Fear of Feeling
It can feel very vulnerable and take tremendous courage to feel fully in a world that rewards disconnection — especially when we are feeling alone or unseen, and reliving subconscious memories of feeling alone and unseen. Numbness and turning away can feel safer — allowing us to ‘function’. There’s also something very human at play here: our nervous system naturally moves toward what feels pleasant, familiar, or relieving, and away from what feels uncomfortable or uncertain. And sometimes, feeling our feelings can bring the fear that we're spiralling out of control.
There’s an important distinction here: we’re not talking about plunging into old trauma or being pulled into an emotional vortex that feels overwhelming or destabilising. If that is the case, then it is highly advisable to look for professional support that helps you process your feelings fully. Support can help create enough safety and pacing for feeling to unfold in a way that is resourcing rather than re-traumatising. The kind of practice I'm speaking about is safe, present, grounded and connected — yet it can still feel unfamiliar, vulnerable and even scary to feel our full range of feelings, simply because, for many people, this kind of whole-being, compassionate, heart-led navigation was never modelled, accepted or made accessible.
My Relationship With This Work
For me, feelings are the gold in my work. They are also the messiest — and the most joyful — part of my life. My life can get emotionally tangled because I am a deep feeler, able to feel-see patterns, I have to feel-think to function and because I carry my own complex story of emotional oppression — one that took me decades to move through, and will continue on my inner journey ever unfolding. And it's precisely because of all this that I am able to serve deeply. I've walked through the same work I now guide my clients through and still walk the path — meeting my own truths, allowing space for what had no space before — so when I sit with you, it's from a place of knowing the terrain from the inside. I meet myself in the same way — standing in the storm, being fully present to what is here now, honouring what is showing up, acknowledging the depth and complexity of the layers within it, and re-rooting in the present in a whole, holistic, embodied, empowered way. This work is about allowing the deeper layers to speak so that our natural healing currents can start to flow more freely.
Staying Connected in the Midst of Life
So how do we do this? One of my teachers, Christine Caldwell, Founder of the Moving Cycle Institute, speaks of the Triangle: moving, feeling/sensing, breathing. It's a gentle reminder that emotions are not just mental events — they live in the body, move through it, and shift when we give them space. The feeling is also in the body — and the body, when supported, knows how to process it in healthy, life-giving ways. Staying on the Triangle can help us honour that innate wisdom and give the feelings or emotions space to unfold. This isn't about forcing yourself to process anything before you're ready. The practice begins with awareness. Many people find they need intentional pauses — moments of slowing down to notice what is happening inside. It's about staying connected to the physical reality of your body in the present moment — the ground beneath your feet, the rhythm of your breath, the senses awakening, the movements that are happening naturally. It's about allowing yourself to notice that you are here now, and that even the smallest shift — a deeper breath, a tiny release in the shoulders, a softening in the jaw — is a sign that something in you is already moving.
When the Trigger is Outside Us
Sometimes emotions rise because of what's happening right now in the outside world — a conflict, a loss, a sudden change. We can't always influence or change the external event, but we can tend to how we meet it internally. This is often the hardest time to stay present, and it’s important to name that. In those moments, our instinct might be to shut down, rush past what’s rising, or get pulled into a spiral — yet this is often the very time our feelings most need a steady, compassionate container. That’s where grounding comes in.
Grounding Without Bypassing
That’s where grounding becomes essential — not to bypass or shut down our emotions, but to create space and enough stability in the body so they can move without flooding us or shutting us down.
And safety matters here, too — both inside and out. For some, the environment or relationships around them don’t allow emotions to be expressed openly. In those cases, grounding can be a way to hold what’s rising until it can be met in a safe space — whether that’s in private moments with yourself or in the company of trusted people. We can meet our inner truth in many ways, and all of them count.
The Wisdom in the Wave
Feelings are like waves of energy and when they can flow, break and roll out freely, there comes a sense of release: a softening in the chest, a release in the shoulders, a sense of space opening up, and new perspectives or acceptance can start to unfold. When we hold them back, we can feel it too — the tightness in the throat, the knot in the stomach, a sense of inner pressure or a heaviness in our step. When we stop the wave — when we box up our feelings or push them away — it doesn't just disappear. It gets stuck in the body. It turns into tension, pain, even subtle changes in how we carry ourselves — or the old, familiar loops we can't seem to escape. And shame often stands guard at the door, whispering that we're "too much" or "not enough," keeping us from the very feelings that want to heal us.
A Gentle Invitation for You
⟡ Ask yourself and journal: What am I feeling right now? Does it feel familiar? Have I felt this before? Does the intensity of it match the here and now situation? Am I welcoming it and being present with it? What am I noticing in my body as I feel the feeling? Am I having thoughts that are contributing to it?
Let your answers come without judgement — simply noticing them is a powerful step toward giving your feelings the space they may have been denied.
⟡ Grounding Practice: Connecting to the present moment can help you ground. Imagine growing roots deep into the earth and expanding upward into the sky and out into the cosmos like a tree. As you do so, breathe the energy of the earth and cosmos into your heart. Feel the pull of gravity in your body. You are so much more than what you are feeling and from this place, it becomes easier to remember your wholeness without pushing anything away— a wholeness that exists far beyond the limitations of everyday human experience.
Closing
What if those messy feelings aren't evidence that you're failing… but evidence that you're alive, sensing, and navigating by your deepest compass? What if your sensitivity is actually your superpower — your ability to read the subtle currents of life that lead you to your deeper truth and longings? This is the ‘feeling work’ that I return to again and again — in my own being, and in the space I hold for others.
You don’t have to be a “deep feeler” to be able to do this. It’s simply about embracing your full range of feelings and experiences, and giving them a place in the whole of who you are. So take a moment to listen in. If you’re feeling tired of betraying your own emotional truth — even if you don’t yet know what those emotions might be — remember that those boxes were never meant for your fullness. Step gently out of them, and into the tender, beautiful landscape of your feelings.
Sometimes the deepest work is not pushing through feeling, but learning how to stay with it — gently, honestly, and in time. This points toward a different kind of work — honouring feeling — not as something to overcome, but as something that carries us back into wholeness.
Let your vulnerability be the shining thread that carries you back — to the place your heart and soul have been calling you all along.
With you in the mess and the beauty,
Julia
This reflection unfolds across three parts, each touching a different layer of feeling — from cultural shaping, to inner meaning, to staying present in everyday life.
If you’d like to begin from the beginning, click here to return to Part 1.
Soulful Embodiment Coach, Transformational Guide & Intuitive
Your energy and presence are gifts to share with the world — even if they are deeply quiet. They are the very fuel that helps you transform your life and truly flourish.
You can tap into this when you ground in the essence of being you.
That’s what this blog is here to hold: reflections from my own long journey home to myself, interwoven with the insights I’ve gained through years of lived experience and training.
Warmly, Julia
Author’s note:
This blog grounded my own lived experience and the work with my clients, and also draws on what I have learned through my extensive training in somatic and spiritual work. You can read more about me here.