Sometimes your body remembers something your mind can’t place. And when it does, the feelings that arise don’t feel like “old” feelings or memory— they simply feel like reality now, without a felt sense of pastness.

In this piece, we explore feeling memory: how the past lives in the body, how it colours and shapes your present-day experience without you realising it, and how a soft awareness can help you start to separate yesterday from today, bringing more spaciousness and choice into your life.

When I was a little girl, ice cream was one of the greatest delights of my world. I grew up in Kenya in the late 70s, where ice cream wasn't something you encountered very often. So in the summers, when we visited my grandmother in Germany, the local ice cream parlour felt like stepping into another universe.

I remember everything about it — the sweet smell of baked waffle cones drifting into the street, the colourful array of flavours lined up behind the glass, the coolness of the shop after stepping in from the warm pavement. I even remember the scent of my grandmother's car, and the texture of the car seat and how it would feel a little sticky and prickly on hot days, and how reliably she would park in the same place, just a few doors down from the shop.

It became our ritual: park the car, run errands, and on the way back, stop at the ice cream shop. Savour it together before heading home.

That memory still makes me smile. I can see it, smell it, feel it — as though it's happening right now… or almost.

I'd like to invite you into a little experiment.

If you like, take a moment and think of a positive memory like that from your own life — and it doesn't have to be anything like an ice cream parlour.

It can be something subtle or small, even fleeting:

⟡ the smell of a bakery you walk past
⟡ the sound of a loved one humming in the kitchen
⟡ the taste of your favourite food perhaps from your childhood
⟡ warm grass under your feet in summer
⟡ a swing at a playground
⟡ a flower you love
⟡ a moment with a friend where you felt completely yourself

Let yourself choose something that brings sense of joy or warmth, even if it is just slight.

And now… allow yourself to let this memory become alive for a moment, feel it, sense it:

Close your eyes if that helps.
Can you remember the atmosphere?
The colours, the smells, the quality of light?

What happens in your face as you do?
Does your face or jaw soften?
Do your eyes brighten or moisten?
Is a smile starting to play with your lips?

How does your whole body feel?
More open, more soft, more settled — or something entirely different?

In a situation like this it becomes very clear that your body is feeling something that happened in the past — right now. Your body is remembering with its senses, responses, and feelings.
And your mind understands it's a memory, because your mind can place it: that was then, this is now.

That's why it feels like memory, and you know it’s a memory.

It’s fascinating: while your mind tracks time, placing that ice cream parlour firmly in the past... your body doesn't. It simply feels what it feels in the present moment.

But this is not always the case.

We also have feeling memory where the brain has no storyline or timeline to anchor.

These are feeling memories that perhaps weren't fully integrated for your brain to make that connection to time — or because they happened so early in life, before language and the concept of time were available.

In these cases your body is feeling them… but your mind can't place them in time. And so they don't feel like memory, and you don’t know they are memory, but they are memory.

Memories like this can quietly run your whole experience of life without you knowing or realising.

An example from my own life

I used to get this a lot in the early days of starting my first business in which I freelanced as a translator and teacher. I started it as I left the medical profession. Finally, and courageously, I had stepped onto a completely new professional path, and on leaving such a huge established professional field that I had felt imprisoned in, I thought I had mastered the worst part of my fear. I believed I would now easily be able to set up a business and figure out what my soul really wanted. I was ready.

But instead, I felt more and more overwhelmed — far more than the situation called for.
I couldn't relax. I got stressed with every new contract I had landed instead of celebrating. I started hiding away from interested clients because I feared I could not meet what they were asking of me (even though on a rational level I knew this not to be true, but the feeling just took over). I had tension and fear around doing things wrong constantly running below the surface, even though my customers highly valued and praised my work. I even started to feel like I couldn't even speak English at all — what on earth was I doing teaching English, writing in English, and translating complex medical literature into English? Who did I think I was? It was rampant imposter syndrome and trauma that was still alive from my school days.

Until I discovered that I had a six-year-old inside me trying to run my business. And the feelings were coming from a time in my life where I had lived through a lot of stress around language, switching countries and school systems, deep attachment wounds and trying to keep up with the demands of a school life in a new country that I didn’t yet grasp — and I was not managing. There was so much overwhelm in my system back then.

It took me a few years to make that connection, because at the time I didn’t yet know what I’m sharing with you now. But once I could see that the intensity I was feeling came from real situations I had lived as a child, I could begin to respond differently. With support, I started to care for that younger part — and navigate the demands of my business from a much more resourced, adult place.

Awareness is key

When these feeling memories get activated — and they do get activated all the time through encounters, through small things that happen in our everyday life — they rise through the body as sensations, emotions, impulses, and even result in more or less fixed behaviour patterns. Often variations of the same ones you once had or developed a long time ago.

And because your mind does not make that connection to memory, they don't feel like memories at all. They feel like current reality. As if what you're feeling now is entirely about what is happening now. But I have seen over and over again in myself and in my clients that there is usually a layer of emotions, feelings, and behaviours that come from the past. And it can be a huge relief to know this, because when we can start to separate the past from the present, we can create new choice.

It's often the moment when people realise: "Oh… I'm not overreacting. I'm remembering. My system is remembering.” And that realisation alone can soften so much of the feelings we're having around our reactions — for example shame, being ‘too complex’ and not really understanding what's happening, or just being immersed in the feeling.

So now, gently try this:

From a grounded inner place, think back to any recent situation, perhaps one that keeps repeating, where you felt emotional, or tightness in your chest, or a sense of collapse — or any reaction that might ‘too big’ for what was happening. Be sure to use a smaller issue or problem, so that you can stay fully grounded and explore, and not feel flooded or overwhelmed.

And now be present to what you are noticing in your senses, your feeling world whilst holding in awareness that there is a possibility that this might simply be your body remembering, even when your conscious mind is not. Stay present with it for a moment, giving it curiosity and care.

A gentle, empowering question you might ask yourself now is:

"Is this feeling — or the degree of this feeling — really appropriate for the present moment?" and "How much of my past might be playing a role here?"

You likely won’t remember or know exactly, and perhaps you can intuit an answer. This isn't an invitation to spiral into the negative feelings of the past. But what it does help you do is bring your awareness, kindness and curiosity for what you are experiencing now — and it gives you a starting place to separate the past from the present. It's a tool to give you more clarity and choice in the now.

How do you feel now, making the separation even just a little?

When you can begin to separate what belongs to now from what belongs to the past, everything softens.

You gain spaciousness. You gain understanding. And you gain a deeper freedom of choice in the moment you're actually living, even if it in challenging times.

Cultivating this kind of awareness can start to change everything. And sometimes it's easy to explore this on your own. Other times, you might need support — especially when the feelings involved are layered, confusing or overwhelming or deeply somatic.

A gift for you

And if this theme speaks to you, I recorded a video for one of my courses that explored this concept a few years ago.

The content itself is solid — the framework, the examples, the heart of it — but I'll be honest: the production quality doesn't match what I offer now. The sound and slides are very imperfect, and the pacing slower than how I'd craft it today.

I'm sharing it anyway because the message matters and can be very empowering to hold in awareness. It might serve you exactly where you are right now. Sometimes 'good enough and available' beats 'perfect and postponed.'

Step by step, it may help you change how you move through your day or specific situations.

You might even recognise parts of the ice-cream story :) So if you're curious to explore a little more, you can watch it below.

**Trauma-informed intuitive guide and soulful embodiment coach with a background rooted in science and spirit.**
Your energy and presence are gifts to share with the world — even if they are deeply quiet. They are the very fuel that helps you transform your life and truly flourish.
You can tap into this when you ground in the essence of being you.
That’s what this blog is here to hold: reflections from my own long journey home to myself, interwoven with the insights I’ve gained through years of lived experience and training.

Warmly, Julia

More about Julia

Author’s note:
This work has taken form through a mix of professional training in somatic and trauma-informed approaches, mindfulness, and parts work, and through lived experience — where these perspectives had to be felt, integrated, and lived.

Not everything you're feeling has to do with now