Feeling Like You Don’t Belong? A Different Perspective

Do you often feel like you don’t belong, especially in group contexts?

The feeling of not belonging can feel incredibly lonely. Especially when it comes with the feeling of not fitting in, of trying to fit in, but somehow never fully fitting in, or only fitting in to a certain degree. Many of us feel (or are) marginalised through being different and not belonging, and I know how painful that can feel.

And of course, there are so many layers to this and there is so much that could be said around this theme, especially in a world full of disparities and great injustices, it is not my intention to minimise this important and enormous theme. However, in this blog, I’d like to focus on two things that came into the foreground as I was sitting under the Magnolia tree contemplating.

One is that feelings of loneliness and belonging are rarely only about the present moment.

Oftentimes, older layers of memory around loneliness, exclusion, separation, or not belonging also become activated through what is happening now. The present experience touches something older in us, and suddenly we are not only feeling this moment, but many moments at once without realising.

The good news here is that you absolutely can work with this and release these feelings into the past. This helps to lighten the load of the present. If you would like to learn more about how emotional memory might be affecting how you are feeling and what you can do, you can read my article Not Everything You’re Feeling Has to do With Now.

And now, here is my second point, the main one for today, and I hope this reframe might help you as it does help me.

It speaks a little to another reflection I shared recently around constellations and a more helpful way of seeing ourselves, rather than constantly trying to fit ourselves into boxes or define ourselves in certain ways in order to belong (click here to read).

What if, instead of only seeing yourself as a person who does not belong to a particular group, environment, relationship or social world, you began to see yourself as being at the centre of a different universe entirely — the wider web you are already a part of.

So try it, join me now, let’s open the lens into a wider web of belonging.

What are you a part of beyond that one group, one environment, one relationship, or even one society or country where you feel you do not belong?

It can include nature, beings, landscapes, creativity, memory, spirit, the unseen, different worlds of thought and feeling, and the quiet interconnected spaces in between. Biochemical cycles like the oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange between you and trees. Your ancestors. The imaginal realm. Earth, galaxies, the cosmos, and beyond.

You are already in relationship with so much more than the one place (or places) where you feel marginalised and excluded.

And when you begin looking from that perspective, something can start shifting. The feeling of not belonging may still be there, but it is no longer the entire picture.

And sometimes it can help to actually put that onto paper. Take some time, get dreamy and just start writing or doodling everything.

And what are you at the centre of, any surprises? How does it feel?

Anything that feels good, let it land in your body. Feel your connection with the earth as you allow your body to gently lift through your spine, chest and head, and savour it for a while. Trust that you’ll capture the imprint of it in your own way that will live on in you. It already does, there is nothing much you need to do except remember to remember as often as you can.

If you’re looking for support to work with the deeper inner layers of belonging in a holistic way, I warmly invite you to reach out to me. You can learn more and book a no-obligation Connection Call here