What Is Longing To Flow & Be Expressed In You?
A Story About Intuitive Movement & Self-Expression
This piece explores how deeply conditioned subconscious patterns shape not just our thoughts, but our gestures, free movement, and expressions — and how meeting these places with presence can open the door to something more true.
Click here to listen to the audio version of this blogpost which I shared in my recent newsletter.
Meeting Natasha
I met Natasha over ten years ago, in the middle of my Hakomi mindfulness-based psychotherapy training. I had decided to attend an extra workshop on intuitive body knowing—learning how to tap into the wisdom of the body, how it speaks to you, and how you can use it to access deeper layers of yourself. I loved immersing myself in this kind of rich, deep inner work—it’s so liberating. Natasha was just trying it out, wondering if it was something for her.
We were sharing a room, and on the first evening, she started stretching—effortlessly dropping into deep splits, holding her leg high up toward the ceiling, moving with a grace I could only admire. This was something I had always wanted to do (nd never have—and, given my age, likely never will… though I still hold onto the hope, playfully ;)).
When Admiration Meets Grief
I shared with her how beautiful I thought her movement was, and she mentioned she had trained as a ballet dancer at a renowned ballet school from an early age. I was impressed. As a child, I had longed to learn ballet, though now I believe my heart was yearning more for embodied self-expression.
She registered my admiration.
"It must feel amazing," I said, "to have that range of movement, and to let your body intuitively express itself with that."
Tears welled up in her eyes. She sat down, her body sagging. Through her tears, she said, “You know, I can do all these movements. I’ve been trained and drilled to perfection. I get the admiration. I love it in many ways—but I don’t know how to move intuitively. I can’t express my true self with my body.”
The Limits of Training
At first, I didn’t understand. I told her she could trust and follow the movements that come from within, that it’s a natural process. But she shook her head.
“I know that,” she said. “But whenever I try, I end up doing a ballet move. No matter how hard I try, my body goes into those trained patterns. I always end up in a pirouette or arabesque or some kind of ballet move. I can’t change it. I can’t be free with my movement. I can't freely express my soul with my body.”
The Pattern Beneath the Pattern
I was dumbstruck. I had never considered this possibility before. For me, dance and movement had always been the epitome of soul expression. But of course, it made so much sense.
And in that moment, I saw it so clearly—what was happening in her body is what happens in our subconscious. The way we keep ending up in the same old patterns—of thinking, feeling, believing—often without even realizing we’re doing it.
Recognising My Own Conditioning
I shared my thoughts with her and told her about my own conditioning. At the time, I was still coming to terms with having left the medical system, struggling to strip away what my educational systems and upbringing had conditioned me to be, do, and think (and to be honest, I still struggle with layers of this, even now.)
We sat in silence for a while. Then she said, “I would rather have thoughts to deal with because I know how to deal with them better than breaking out of the drilled movements. You’re lucky.”
I laughed.
"I’d rather have your situation. I feel like accessing my body’s intuitive wisdom comes more naturally to me, but I can’t break out of the way I’ve been conditioned to suppress my brain’s natural way of thinking and processing. My brain likes to process in bursts, in cycles and creative patterns, and I keep trying to make them consistent and linear. It’s like trying to fit myself into a spreadsheet or making myself palatable and easy to understand.
The problem is, I often only realise I’ve done this later on, when my body tells me ‘no.’”
Two Expressions of the Same Pattern
And then, in the same moment, we both got it. Our issues were just a different expression of the same pattern. These deeply ingrained patterns are not just habits — they’re often nervous system imprints, shaped by conditioning, survival adaptations, and early relational fields.
The only reason we had these skills that helped us—hers in dealing with thoughts, mine in accessing my body's intuitive wisdom—was because we had had the freedom to develop them to a certain degree, or had learned to use them in one way or another.
We laughed again.
“Well,” I said, “Hakomi is helping me a lot in dealing with this—maybe this is perfect for you too.”
When Mastery Becomes a Cage
Sometimes what you’ve spent years perfecting might actually be holding you back—without you even realising. It could be a goal, a practice, a version of life you’re working toward that seems aligned — but doesn’t truly resonate with your soul, at least not in the way you’re currently pursuing it.
A telltale sign? Efforting. Nervous system burnout. A quiet sense of disconnection. That feeling of having shaped your life around something that no longer fits—or maybe never truly did. This moment of noticing is tender. It takes courage to pause, soften, and feel what’s true underneath the striving. It’s in deep presence that we can begin to gently embrace and deepen our awareness of those vulnerable places within.
Reflection: What About You?
♢ Where does your system gravitate to?
♢ What do you take for granted about yourself and about life that, deep down, you actually want to change?
♢ Where do you keep thinking, feeling, and acting in the ways you were taught—without even realising it?
♢ How do you want to be different and more true to yourself, but can't access how?
♢ What is longing to find full expression but always finds a way to hide from yourself and the world?
An Invitation to Presence
If you’re feeling stuck in a pattern, or beginning to notice one, I invite you to bring in more presence and compassion to that place. The starting point of any journey isn’t to change or fix anything—it’s radical acceptance of where you are.
Don’t rush to create the next plan or mission to change and get out of it.
Instead, be present with what is. Lean into it. Explore the edges.
And if emotions come up—and they usually do—let yourself feel them, and gently notice them as you connect to your body. Bringing awareness to how you’re experiencing the stuckness can help free up space within, allowing you to become more present to what is truly longing to find a place in your life and be expressed from deep within. Once you become more aware, try adding in small, intuitive movements that symbolise or express that longing.
Returning to Freedom
At the core of it all, aren't we all longing to just be free—to resonate with our true, innermost self and soul?
Life is so much more than we’ve been conditioned to be and believe. Nature and the universe are our greatest teachers in this, always guiding us back to our inner rhythms and pace, to a deeper communication that does not need words, and to spirit that lives within and through us.
Let’s all take one step closer to the freedom that is our birthright—towards the knowing deep in our cells that lies beyond what we’ve been shaped to believe about ourselves, honouring that we’re all on this journey in different ways.
Follow the whisper…
Reclaiming intuitive movement — whether in thought, body, or spirit — is a sacred act of soul remembrance. As you read this, notice what’s stirring. Is there a small shift — in awareness, sensation, energy, feeling, or spaciousness — calling you, asking to be followed? You don’t have to choreograph it. Just follow the whisper one gentle step at a time.
If this speaks to something tender in you, stay with it a little longer. That’s where the gold often lies.
Mindfulness-based Embodiment Coach and Intuitive Transformational Guide
Your energy and presence are gifts to share with the world — even if they are deeply quiet. They are the very fuel that helps you transform your life and truly flourish.
You can tap into this when you ground in the essence of being you.
That’s what this blog is here to hold: reflections from my own long journey home to myself, interwoven with the insights I’ve gained through years of lived experience and training.
Warmly, Julia
What Informs This Work
This piece draws from my training in HAKOMI (mindfulness-based psychotherapy by Ron Kurtz), the Moving Cycle (developed by Christine Caldwell), and the wisdom held within perinatal psychology, shamanic traditions, and spirit-led pathways.
This piece is especially for sensitive souls who are on the journey of finding true self-expression and are feeling stuck with nervous system burnout.