6. Co-Regulation & Your First Listening Session
✨What You’ll Need for Your Listening Sessions✨:
♢ Your over-ear headphones and the app
♢ Paper and pen, or coloured pencils if you like to draw
♢ If you enjoy colouring, please bring a template or download one of my mandala and symbol templates
♢ Something to drink
♢ A space where you feel comfortable, with a few things that make you feel good—like a scented spray, a favourite picture, or a soft blanket.
♢ Please watch section 7. Preparing your Space for more info about how to set up for your listening session.
What is Co-Regulation?
We humans need co-regulation to feel safe and connected with others. It’s something natural that helps us feel supported and in tune with the people around us.
You can think of co-regulation like this: Two nervous systems communicate with each other through their states and influence each other in the process. Co-regulation happens naturally, but we can also use it more consciously—like when we soothe and comfort a crying child or rock a baby to sleep. It’s something that’s just naturally within us.
Maybe you’ve experienced this yourself: You see a baby or a puppy, and without even thinking about it, your voice becomes softer and gentler. You make calming sounds naturally. This is a beautiful example of our innate capacity for co-regulation.
How Co-Regulation Works
As babies and children, our nervous systems are still developing, and during that time, we are completely dependent on the nervous systems of our caregivers and surroundings. We “absorb” the states of the people around us. This is also one way that transgenerational patterns can be passed on.
One example of this is breathing patterns: If a mother has experienced stress or unresolved trauma, she might remain in a chronic survival mode, which can affect her breathing. Shallow and rapid breathing can, in part, be transferred to the baby, leaving an “imprint” on the child’s autonomic nervous system. This imprint can persist into adulthood. Of course, many other factors play a role—this is just one example.
Other Examples of Co-Regulation:
Imagine walking into a room where people have just been arguing. You open the door and step in. Take a moment to notice—how does that feel?
Now imagine entering a space where people have been singing and meditating together, consciously connected to their hearts. How does it feel to step into this atmosphere?
These examples show how our autonomic nervous system can instantly attune to the states of other nervous systems.
You can also co-regulate with nature: Just imagining being in a beautiful natural setting can bring more inner balance and make us breathe more freely.
We also co-regulate with animals—anyone who has pets knows this feeling. Spending time with an animal can naturally help us settle and feel more at ease.
Co-Regulation Creates Safety—Within Us and Between Us
That’s one of the main reasons why we do listening sessions together. Another important reason is that we often don’t notice right away when we start to become dysregulated. In those moments, I’ll pause the session, and we’ll regulate together.
Introducing Phase 2: Practicing Co-Regulation and Shared Listening
Soon we’ll begin Phase 2 and start listening to SSP Connect together. We’ll take our time getting comfortable with these co-listening sessions before moving on to SSP Core.
You’ll notice that each time we practice, it will feel more familiar and easier. All the knowledge you’ve been absorbing throughout the program will naturally support you, without needing to consciously remember every detail. We’ve already worked with these concepts in our sessions, and your system has likely already begun to internalize them. It’s part of your body’s wisdom—something that may have just needed a little awakening.
♢♢You can download a printable version of this text by clicking here
